Joke Thread...

Kenny

Kenny

Guest
Name that wine

Known as "liquid crack," for its reputation for wreaking more mental havoc than the cheapest tequila. Something in this syrupy hooch seems to have a synapse-blasting effect, not unlike low-grade cocaine. The label insists that the ingredients are merely "citrus wine & grape wine with artificial flavor & artificial color," but anyone who has tried it knows better. Tales of *****-induced semi-psychotic fits are common. Often, people on a ***** binge end up curled into a fetal ball, shuddering and muttering paranoid rants. Nudity and violence may well be involved too. Everyone who drinks this feels great at first, and claims, "It's not bad at all, I like it." But, you really do not want to mess around with this one, because they all sing a different tune a few minutes later. And by tune, I mean the psychotic ramblings of a raging naked bum.
 
playaperro

playaperro

El Pirata
Kenny said:
Known as "liquid crack," for its reputation for wreaking more mental havoc than the cheapest tequila. Something in this syrupy hooch seems to have a synapse-blasting effect, not unlike low-grade cocaine. The label insists that the ingredients are merely "citrus wine & grape wine with artificial flavor & artificial color," but anyone who has tried it knows better. Tales of *****-induced semi-psychotic fits are common. Often, people on a ***** binge end up curled into a fetal ball, shuddering and muttering paranoid rants. Nudity and violence may well be involved too. Everyone who drinks this feels great at first, and claims, "It's not bad at all, I like it." But, you really do not want to mess around with this one, because they all sing a different tune a few minutes later. And by tune, I mean the psychotic ramblings of a raging naked bum.
Click to expand...
http://www.bumwine.com/cisco.html
 
Kenny

Kenny

Guest
I rest my case.

:grin: That was quick. You can sure tell who the home shopper is around here, and what they buy.:pinkie:
 
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playaperro

playaperro

El Pirata
Kenny you drank more than most.. you smoked more than most..what is left.. Can you drink or smoke...Hey you coming to the bike run???:cheers:
 
A

azbeachboy

Guest
Groaners...

Subject: Groaners!


a. A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.

b. Dijon vu - the same mustard as before

c. Practice safe eating - always use condiments.

d. Shotgun wedding: A case of wife or death.

e. Those who jump off a bridge in Paris must be in Seine

f. A man needs a mistress just to break the monogamy.

g. Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know basis.

h. Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?

i. Condoms should be used on every conceivable occasion.

j. Reading while sunbathing makes you well red.

k. When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I.

l. A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two tired.

m. Definition of a will: A dead give away.

n. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

o. She was engaged to a boyfriend with a wooden leg but broke it off.

p. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

q. If you don't pay your exorcist, you'll be repossessed.

r. Once you've seen one shopping center, you've seen a mall.

s. When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds.

t. You feel stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.

u. Local Area Network in Australia: the LAN down under.

v. Every calendar's days are numbered..

w. A lot of money is tainted - It taint yours and it taint mine.

x. A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.

y. A midget fortune-teller who escapes from prison is a small medium at large..

z. Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.
 
Stuart

Stuart

Aye carumba!!!
Staff member
Those are as bad as the old Confucious sayings:

Man who eat jellybeans fart in Technicolor.

Virginity like balloon; one prick, all gone!

Woman who eat chocolate instead of work get behind.

Baseball very funny game--man with 4 balls no can walk!!

He who fishes in another man's well often catches crabs.

Man with hole in pocket feel cocky all day.

Man's wife his better half, his mistress his better whole.

etc., etc., etc.
 
Roberto

Roberto

Guest
Irish Scuba Divers

Shamus says to Tommy: Why do Scuba divers always fall off the boat backwards?Tommy sez: Why you thick idiot, if they fell forward they'd still be in the boat!
 
T

Terry C

Guest
A Mexican man walks into a bar. Suddenly one of the white patrons walks up to the Mexican and says... "Hey you! Colored men aren't allowed, much less welcome here!" Then, the Mexican guy turns around and says to the white guy...

"Hey pendejo... When I was born, I was brown!"

"When I grew up, I was brown!"

"When I am sick, I'm brown!"

"When I'm in the sun, I'm brown!"

"When I'm in the cold, I'm brown!"

"And when I die, I'll still be brown!"

"But on the other hand you, pendejo, when you were born, you were pink!"

"When you grew up, you were white!"

"When you're sick, you turn yellow or even green!"

"When you're in the sun, you turn red!"

"When you're in the cold, you turn blue!"

"And when you die, you'll turn purple!"

"And you have the nerve and the balls to call me a "colored man!?"
 
A

azbeachboy

Guest
Tiger Woods

One: Tiger Woods is so rich that he owns lots of expensive cars. Now he has a hole in one.

Two: What's the difference between a car and a golf ball? Tiger can drive a ball 400 yards.

Three: Tiger Woods wasn't seriously injured in the crash, but he's still below par.

Four: What were Tiger Woods and his wife doing out at 2.30 in the morning? They went clubbing

Five: Tiger Woods crashed into a fire hydrant and a tree. He couldn't decide between a wood and an iron.

Six: Perhaps Tiger should be using a driver?

Seven: This is the first time Tiger's ever failed to drive 300 yards

Eight: Apparently, Tiger admitted this crash was the closest shave he's ever had. So Gillette has dropped his contract.

Nine: After a wayward drive, Tiger Woods found water before nestling behind a tree

Ten: Apparently, the only person who can beat Tiger Woods with a golf club is his wife
 
Roberto

Roberto

Guest
Who is your real friend


This really works...!


If you don't believe it, just try this experiment.

Put your dog and your spouse in the trunk of the car for an hour.

When you open the trunk, which one is really happy to see you?
 
Seadweller

Seadweller

chum
It was just on the news, all the toilet seats at the Rocky Point police station were mysteriously stolen last night... the police have nothing to go on!
 
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