Joke
- Thread starter Roberto
- Start date
The Black Bra (as told by a woman)
I had lunch with 2 of my unmarried friends.
One is engaged, one is a mistress, and I have been married for 20+ years.
We were chatting about our relationships and decided to amaze our men by greeting them at the door
Wearing a black bra, stiletto heels and a mask over our eyes. We agreed to meet in a few days to exchange notes..
Here's how it all went.
My engaged friend:
The other night when my boyfriend came over he found me with a black leather bodice, tall stilettos and a
mask.
He saw me and said, 'You are the woman of my dreams.
I love you.' Then we made passionate love all night long.
The mistress:
Me too! The other night I met my lover at his office and I was wearing a raincoat, under it only the black
bra, heels and Mask over my eyes. When I opened the raincoat he didn't say a word, but he started to
tremble and we had wild sex all night.
Then I had to share my story:
When my husband came home I was wearing the black bra,
Black stockings, stilettos and a mask over my eyes.
When he came in the door and saw me he said,
(you are going to love this.....)
"What's for dinner, Zorro?"
I had lunch with 2 of my unmarried friends.
One is engaged, one is a mistress, and I have been married for 20+ years.
We were chatting about our relationships and decided to amaze our men by greeting them at the door
Wearing a black bra, stiletto heels and a mask over our eyes. We agreed to meet in a few days to exchange notes..
Here's how it all went.
My engaged friend:
The other night when my boyfriend came over he found me with a black leather bodice, tall stilettos and a
mask.
He saw me and said, 'You are the woman of my dreams.
I love you.' Then we made passionate love all night long.
The mistress:
Me too! The other night I met my lover at his office and I was wearing a raincoat, under it only the black
bra, heels and Mask over my eyes. When I opened the raincoat he didn't say a word, but he started to
tremble and we had wild sex all night.
Then I had to share my story:
When my husband came home I was wearing the black bra,
Black stockings, stilettos and a mask over my eyes.
When he came in the door and saw me he said,
(you are going to love this.....)
"What's for dinner, Zorro?"
curiousgeorge
Guest
How many democrats does it take to change a light bulb? 5! Al Gore to insure it’s a CFL, and EPA agent in case the blub breaks and a mercury cleanup is necessary, a person to bail out the home owner, an ACORN member to insure that the right person changed the bulb, and a member of the media to celebrate the change.
AZ ROB
Guest
The other night I was invited out for a night with the guys. I told my wife that I would be home by midnight... "promise!"
Well, the hours passed quickly and the beer was going down way too easy. At 3am, drunk as a skunk, I headed for home.
Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hall started up and cuckooed three times. Quickly, I realized she'd probably wake up, so I cuckooed another 9 times. I was really proud of myself for having such a rapid, witty solution, even when smashed, to escape a possible conflict.
The next morning my wife asked me what time I got in, and I told her 12 o'clock. She didn't seem disturbed at all. Got away with that one, I thought! Then she told me we needed a new cuckoo clock. When I asked her why she said, "Well, last night it cuckooed 3 times, then said, 'oh f**k,' cuckooed 4 more times, cleared its throat, cuckooed another 3 times, giggled, cuckooed twice more.... then farted."
Well, the hours passed quickly and the beer was going down way too easy. At 3am, drunk as a skunk, I headed for home.
Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hall started up and cuckooed three times. Quickly, I realized she'd probably wake up, so I cuckooed another 9 times. I was really proud of myself for having such a rapid, witty solution, even when smashed, to escape a possible conflict.
The next morning my wife asked me what time I got in, and I told her 12 o'clock. She didn't seem disturbed at all. Got away with that one, I thought! Then she told me we needed a new cuckoo clock. When I asked her why she said, "Well, last night it cuckooed 3 times, then said, 'oh f**k,' cuckooed 4 more times, cleared its throat, cuckooed another 3 times, giggled, cuckooed twice more.... then farted."
AZ ROB
Guest
He left home about 8:30 a.m. to play golf with his friends. On the way out
the door he answered his wife's "What time will you be home?" question with
"Probably about 1:30. I'll have lunch at the club."
1:30 came & went, 3:00 passed, 6:15, still not home. Finally, at about
7:00pm, he rolls into the driveway, leaves his clubs in the garage, and
presents his wife with a pizza, and begins the apologetic story.
"We finished our game about 11:30, had lunch, and I started home, when
alongside the road I saw this attractive girl with a flat tire on her car.
I stopped to help, got the tire changed, and looked around for a place to
wash my hands. She offered money, but I refused, so she suggested that I at
least allow her to buy me a beer. She said there's a tavern just up the
road, and they have a restroom, so you can clean up a bit. I agreed to
stop. We had a beer, then another beer, then a couple more, and I realized
that this girl was not only pretty, she was very friendly, and a good
companion to spend time with. Before I knew it, we were in the motel next
door having sex. And that is why I am so late getting home."
His wife looked him right in the eye and said "Don't Shit me! You played 36
holes, didn't you?!!"
the door he answered his wife's "What time will you be home?" question with
"Probably about 1:30. I'll have lunch at the club."
1:30 came & went, 3:00 passed, 6:15, still not home. Finally, at about
7:00pm, he rolls into the driveway, leaves his clubs in the garage, and
presents his wife with a pizza, and begins the apologetic story.
"We finished our game about 11:30, had lunch, and I started home, when
alongside the road I saw this attractive girl with a flat tire on her car.
I stopped to help, got the tire changed, and looked around for a place to
wash my hands. She offered money, but I refused, so she suggested that I at
least allow her to buy me a beer. She said there's a tavern just up the
road, and they have a restroom, so you can clean up a bit. I agreed to
stop. We had a beer, then another beer, then a couple more, and I realized
that this girl was not only pretty, she was very friendly, and a good
companion to spend time with. Before I knew it, we were in the motel next
door having sex. And that is why I am so late getting home."
His wife looked him right in the eye and said "Don't Shit me! You played 36
holes, didn't you?!!"
AZ ROB
Guest
A husband and wife were having dinner at a very fine restaurant when this absolutely stunning young woman comes over to their table, gives the husband a big open-mouthed kiss, then says she'll see him later and walks away.
The wife glares at her husband and says, "Who was that?"
"Oh," replies the husband, "she's my mistress."
"Well, that's the last straw," says the wife. "I've had enough, I want a divorce!"
"I can understand that," replies her husband, "but remember, if we get a divorce it will mean no more shopping trips to Paris , no more wintering in Barbados , no more summers in Tuscany , no more Jaguar in the garage and no more yacht club. No more credit card and large Bank accounts. But.... the decision is all yours."
Just then, a mutual friend enters the restaurant with a gorgeous babe on his arm.
"Who's that woman with Tony?" asks the wife.
"That's his mistress," says her husband.
"Ours is prettier," she replies.
The wife glares at her husband and says, "Who was that?"
"Oh," replies the husband, "she's my mistress."
"Well, that's the last straw," says the wife. "I've had enough, I want a divorce!"
"I can understand that," replies her husband, "but remember, if we get a divorce it will mean no more shopping trips to Paris , no more wintering in Barbados , no more summers in Tuscany , no more Jaguar in the garage and no more yacht club. No more credit card and large Bank accounts. But.... the decision is all yours."
Just then, a mutual friend enters the restaurant with a gorgeous babe on his arm.
"Who's that woman with Tony?" asks the wife.
"That's his mistress," says her husband.
"Ours is prettier," she replies.
moore_rb
Stay Thirsty My Friends
HIS AND HER DIARY FOR THE SAME DAY:
Her Diary:
Tonight, I thought my husband was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a nice restaurant for dinner. I was shopping with my friends all day long while he was at teh lake fishing, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment on it. Conversation wasn't flowing, so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk. He agreed, but he didn't say much. I asked him what was wrong; He said, 'Nothing.' I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset. He said he wasn't upset, that it had nothing to do with me, and not to worry about it. On the way home, I told him that I loved him. He smiled slightly, and kept driving. I can't explain his behavior I don't know why he didn't say, 'I love you, too.' When we got home, I felt as if I had lost him completely, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore. He just sat there quietly, and watched TV. He continued to seem distant and absent. Finally, with silence all around us, I decided to go to bed. About 15 minutes later, he came to bed. But I still felt that he was distracted, and his thoughts were somewhere else. He fell asleep - I cried. I don't know what to do. I'm almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else. My life is a disaster.
His Diary:
The boat wouldn't start this morning- can't figure out why.
Her Diary:
Tonight, I thought my husband was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a nice restaurant for dinner. I was shopping with my friends all day long while he was at teh lake fishing, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment on it. Conversation wasn't flowing, so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk. He agreed, but he didn't say much. I asked him what was wrong; He said, 'Nothing.' I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset. He said he wasn't upset, that it had nothing to do with me, and not to worry about it. On the way home, I told him that I loved him. He smiled slightly, and kept driving. I can't explain his behavior I don't know why he didn't say, 'I love you, too.' When we got home, I felt as if I had lost him completely, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore. He just sat there quietly, and watched TV. He continued to seem distant and absent. Finally, with silence all around us, I decided to go to bed. About 15 minutes later, he came to bed. But I still felt that he was distracted, and his thoughts were somewhere else. He fell asleep - I cried. I don't know what to do. I'm almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else. My life is a disaster.
His Diary:
The boat wouldn't start this morning- can't figure out why.